Thursday, September 13, 2007
Drinking with George W. Bush
OK, I'm ready. George is speaking and I am drinking according to Rachel Maddow rules, as follows:
If Bush says “we are winning”, drink once.
If Bush says “they’ll follow us home”, drink once.
If he says OSAMA BIN LADEN, drink once.
If he pronounces it UUUUSAMA bin laden? Drink twice.
If he says the name of that Sunni sheik he was photographed with two weeks ago, who got blown up today? Chug half of what’s in your glass.
Any mention of IRAN? Drink once.
Every mention of PETRAEUS, drink once.
If he says the phrase “bottom up”? (Which is the thing they leaked in advance about his new fake-new Iraq strategy)? Then BOTTOMS UP. Chug it.
And lastly... if he says, that actually he’s not just ending the surge, he’s ending the war? He's bringing our troops out of there, totally? Then don’t drink a thing. Because clearly you’re already plastered and are having optimistic auditory hallucinations. See you on MSNBC this evening, and out of the bottom of a bar glass soon thereafter.
If Bush says “we are winning”, drink once.
If Bush says “they’ll follow us home”, drink once.
If he says OSAMA BIN LADEN, drink once.
If he pronounces it UUUUSAMA bin laden? Drink twice.
If he says the name of that Sunni sheik he was photographed with two weeks ago, who got blown up today? Chug half of what’s in your glass.
Any mention of IRAN? Drink once.
Every mention of PETRAEUS, drink once.
If he says the phrase “bottom up”? (Which is the thing they leaked in advance about his new fake-new Iraq strategy)? Then BOTTOMS UP. Chug it.
And lastly... if he says, that actually he’s not just ending the surge, he’s ending the war? He's bringing our troops out of there, totally? Then don’t drink a thing. Because clearly you’re already plastered and are having optimistic auditory hallucinations. See you on MSNBC this evening, and out of the bottom of a bar glass soon thereafter.
